When I shared a few weeks ago, that my word for the year is run, I should have sensed the low, vibrating hum of the universe waiting for me to speak my intentions so they could be tested.
The first weeks of the year have witnessed me trying Brand New Things:
- creating accounts on freelance sites where my resume sits unbothered by paying clients looking for services I offer
- collecting my first royalty earnings from the sale of my book…
- …and then watching most of those earnings evaporate as I reconcile them with what I spent to launch the book
- following literary agent trails only to get cold feet when it’s time to submit samples of my work
All this amid a backdrop of ever-fickle East Texas weather: caught in a hail storm one day and sweating through my lightweight cardigan the next.
I mention the cardigan because for a few days, I thought all my sweaters and cardigans had become too itchy for me to wear.
I couldn’t figure out what had changed… My lotion is basically the same, although I have begun rotating fragrances. I haven’t changed the soap I shower with, my laundry detergent, or my fabric softener. Did that mean the reason for the itch was my my cold weather wardrobe, which I haven’t changed at all since last winter?
While I wondered what its cause might be, the itching persisted.
In the same spot, on my left arm between my wrist and elbow, on the inside of my arm.
And then it hit me:
Vulnerability was making me itch.
This was the only common denominator.
No matter how many proposals I submitted for potential freelance editing gigs, how many submission guidelines I looked at for online or print publications, or how many blog posts I started in Google Docs but didn’t finish, vulnerability was required of me.
Now that I am able to name the itch, I can calm it when it flares up, knowing I don’t need to change my wardrobe or stop putting my writing and myself into the world.
I just need to make sure that while I’m running toward all these new opportunities I’m seeking out, that I bring some Vaseline and some firm resolve.
If you’re running, too, let’s keep pressing onward together. Being vulnerable might make you itch too, but it’s necessary to keep moving forward.
2 thoughts on “A Brief Word about Vulnerability”
Great read. Glad that you identified the “itch” and now know how to conquer it!